The Job I Was Never Offered
A few weeks ago my manager made an off statement about me taking his job. I was caught very off guard but was pretty sure he was serious. As our self evaluation cycle came to a close I was pretty sure I would be faced with a decision. So in my weekly meeting my manager says something along the lines of
I need to write some proposals for how this group is going to be structured this year and I need to know where you see your career is headed”
These words strike fear into my heart in a way I can’t explain. I don’t know where my career is headed. I have have no idea what I want. I never do really. I move where I’m needed, I fill holes, I do what nobody else will. I’m not a great technical leader. I’m a master of details and I don’t know how to fail. So where does that leave me. I can’t imagine a day when I won’t know how to open a unix terminal and I can’t imagine a day where I’m a technical master. I don’t know where I fit.
I should be very clear that there is no offer. There are things afoot and proposals to be made. Basically, my manager wants to ensure that if he recommends me, I won’t turn it down. I have a really difficult time picturing myself 5-years from now. Most of the time I have a hard time picturing myself 1-year from now. I don’t feel old enough to handle this level of responsibility and yet I know I’m already doing 50% of the job. My hear